OK, nobody has time to read an actual book, so here is William Ury speaking at Creative Mornings about his book. Do you have 30 minutes to be a better person? Ever seen the arm-wrestle exercise? Watch the video.
I’ve read his book several times now. At least put it on your bookshelf. My take-aways for me and my colleagues and my work. We discussed this in our Large PIG book club recently.
- Separate people from the problem. Personality is NOT at issue. Avoid blame on either side
- Focus on interests, not positions. Be curious. See (and demonstrate your understanding of) the other party’s position clearly
- Learn to manage emotions. Allow expression of strong emotions. Else, may block clear thinking
- Express appreciation. Reflective listening (data, ideas, feelings, values). Seek others’ perspective.
- Put a positive spin on your message. Avoid blame.
- Escape the cycle of action and reaction. Instead, explore interests, invent options for mutual gain, leverage differences, brainstorm jointly as “wizards” (lower level persons who are permitted to work on ideas without leadership pressure)
- Prepare your BATNA (Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement) What will you do if you don’t agree?
- Seek a third party who is trusted by both sides
- Be SOFT on the people (care about the person), HARD on the problem (principled thinking)
I’ve read authors with similar points:
-Steven Covey: Listen first to understand, THEN speak to be understood
-Crucial Conversations: Make it safe to converse, Control your own stories, Contribute to shared pool of meaning, Ask other’s interpretations, Be tentative in your theories, Seek win-win opportunities.
CMIO’s take? This is a foundational book for Informatics and leadership in general. Find time to learn these lessons. Find the win-win.